Monday, June 22, 2009

Answers to Prayers

Conference is one of my favorite times of the year. Unfortunatley I had to work conference weekend and was only able to catch bits and pieces of it. Where else can we be uplifted by conference talks and still be in our jammies:) As many of you know (or maybe not) I have been suffering from depression and anxiety. This really stinks as I am 40, have 5 kids and need to be showing them about my faith, not how mommy can stay in bed most of the day. It is just kicking my butt - and yes I am in counseling and taking my happy pills. I think it is time for new happy pills as these are not working. I know that I have to do my part to help get out of this, but lots of stinky stuff going on at work that has helped to trigger it this past month. Wish I could get a new job but working nights lets me be at home with the kids and no daycare, which is very important to us.

Rich gave his lesson in priesthood today from parts of a conference talk. I had been up the night before crying and praying that I could not take this depression anymore. I have been in bed and just letting everything go lax at the house. Thank goodness for a husband that has picked up the slack and is helping me get back to where I need to be, which is out of bed and being a mom!!

The lesson today was about Joseph Smith enduring persecution during his time on earth. What a great prophet he was and I don't think I could have been thru all he went thru and still believe - but that is just me. Rich brought into his talk a conference talk from Elder Kevin W Pearson of the seventy. I had been up crying and pleading with the Lord the night before that I could not take this anymore and needed to get out of this depression and anxiety and that I needed God and Jesus's help on this. Lo and behold, his talk was directed at me! We watched it on Tivo last night and the boys actually paid attention and listened, as did I. Here is what he said that can help us. Faith and fear cannot coexist. One gives way to the other. He also quoted Bruce R McConkie that faith is a gift from god and available to all.

He then tied in what he calls the 6 destructive D's that can erode and destroy our faith. In order they are doubt ( fear which leads to lack of confidence in one's self or abilities). It is inconsistent with our divine identity as children of god.

Doubt leads to discouragement. It comes from missed expectations. Chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirt. It is the antithesis of faith.

Discouragement leads to distraction, a lack of focus. Discouragement and distraction are 2 of Satan's most effective tools and I unfortunately have let them come into my life over the last few months.

Distraction leads to a lack of diligence, a reduced commitment to remain true and faithful and to carry on through despite hardship and disappointment. Disappointment is an inevitable part of life but we have the tools from Heavely Father to get thru this.

If not reversed this path ultimately leads to disobedience which then undermines the very basis of faith. The result of this is often disbelief. The scriptures define this disbelief as the state of having chosen to harden one's heart. It is to be past feeling. I hope to never get to this point no matter how hard or crushing my trials may be!! He ends his talk with saying we can choose to avoid and overcome them.

My goal is to stop the fears and doubt that have been plaguing my mind and soul. I don't think it will be an overnight thing but with God's help and the atonement I hope to someday get past this point in my life and moving on to being a better mom and daughter of our Heavenly Father. (My kids actually sat down and listened to the talk - now that is a miracle:)).


E-squared's Mom June 23, 2009 at 8:01 AM  

You are on the right path, I think the Iron rod is at a 45 degree angel and we have to hold on tight so that we don't slide right off the path. remember the path is narrow and Satan's path is wide and very close to our path. the 1st step is to realize you have loosened your grip and now you know you just have to keep working to stay on the path. I know you can do it and with your faith and the help of our Heavenly Father we can "Move Mountains."
Sending you LOL and many prayers, my friend. keep up the good work.

rich and steph June 23, 2009 at 4:58 PM  

Thank you Kasandra:)