July 4th

As soon as I put the pictures into the computer, I will post them. We had a great 4th of July. I had to work so we kept it pretty low key. We usually have all of Rich's family over, swim, bbq, etc. Since I had to work we decided to keep it just our family. I finally made it home about 2 pm and went out and watched the family swim. Took lots of pictures, just need to put them in the computer:)
We decided it was to darn hot outside to grill (it was 108 degrees) so we went to In and Out Burger. They have the best burgers and homemade french fries!! It was actually pretty crowded - I was surprised. We then came home and turned on the tv to our local pbs station. I grew up in Virginia and was lucky enough to see the fireworks at our nation's capitol a few times. I found out a few years ago that pbs broadcasts the fireworks and the concerts before. We sat in our air conditioned house and enjoyed Barry Manilow, Aretha Franklin, Sesame Street characters (they are celebrating 40 years of being on tv!) and various bands from the military. We then got to watch the most fantastic fireworks - my kids loved it and did not miss being outside at all. The way they filmed it made you feel like you were sitting right underneath the fireworks.
Brandon was invited to go Swing dancing with one of his friends and older sister. He did not know what it was but decided to give it a try. He came home and said it was lots of fun and they gave lessons that night too. How was your 4th of July?

1 am

It is now 1 am and I cannot sleep so I decided to blog and eat ice cream, What a great treat - I get it all to myself with no one wanting to take a bite. The house is so quiet and peaceful and the perfect time to eat ice cream - loaded with cookie dough, peanut butter and chocolate syrup. How can life get better? I am sure I will work off the calories painting my kitchen and hoping to finish it. I got tired of the color and am painting it a buttery yellow. Not too bright but golden and pretty. I have always wanted a yellow kitchen and Rich gave in and compromised on a color. I have it half done and it looks so homey and cheerful.

My next project after this is to refinish the counter tops. We have formica and cannot afford to replace it with granite or other expensive types of counter tops. They are a pinky color and I am sick of them. I ran into a lady at a garage sale a few months back who does painting and interior decorating for a living. She gave me the directions on how to repaint the countertops and make them look awesome. Has a few steps and lots of sanding but I have 3 boys to help me out. It is a cool technique where you sand, then paint, then put a wood stain in a swirling pattern over top and then about 3 coats of sealant. Hers looked great and cost about $40 dollars as opposed to thousands of dollars to have new ones put in. I am so excited! She then also taught me an easy method to redo our existing cupboards. After 20 years they are looking a little worn. There is a product at home depot that you paint on first so that you don't have to sand them down. This product makes the paint or stain stay on without sanding-yippee!

My last transformation is going to be making Roman Shades for the kitchen. I got the material clearance about 3 months ago. I have been making curtains for friends and neighbors. Nice side business and I love to sew. I got a cd that shows how to make Roman shades and it is actually quite simple. I will have to take before and after pictures. I love having things look new and refinished and doing it for a minimal cost. Plus the kids love to paint and have done a great job in the kitchen. I have just had to go back and touch up paint. Wish me luck on my projects. My dad has even offered to come down from Utah and help with the countertops but we are hoping to talk him into helping Rich make loft beds for the 3 boys. They have a buzz lightyear very bright blue room with yellow window sills and a lime green plant shelf. I love it but Rich wants to repaint. I told him to go for it as I think I will be pooped after the kitchen remodeling:) The boys love their buzz lightyear room so we shall we shall we who wins the battle of repainting that room. It has very high ceilings and takes a lot to repaint it. We shall see who wins the battle of repainting it (I think me:))

I have also been following the advice from the conference talk I wrote about last time and it is amazing how small mental changes can really help bring you out of a funk:) I also finally got released from teaching primary after 6 years. I will miss the kids and singing time but will enjoy going to Sunday School and Relief Society after all these years of not going. I do believe our Heavenly Father knew I needed this break to be able to attend these classes!

Answers to Prayers

Conference is one of my favorite times of the year. Unfortunatley I had to work conference weekend and was only able to catch bits and pieces of it. Where else can we be uplifted by conference talks and still be in our jammies:) As many of you know (or maybe not) I have been suffering from depression and anxiety. This really stinks as I am 40, have 5 kids and need to be showing them about my faith, not how mommy can stay in bed most of the day. It is just kicking my butt - and yes I am in counseling and taking my happy pills. I think it is time for new happy pills as these are not working. I know that I have to do my part to help get out of this, but lots of stinky stuff going on at work that has helped to trigger it this past month. Wish I could get a new job but working nights lets me be at home with the kids and no daycare, which is very important to us.

Rich gave his lesson in priesthood today from parts of a conference talk. I had been up the night before crying and praying that I could not take this depression anymore. I have been in bed and just letting everything go lax at the house. Thank goodness for a husband that has picked up the slack and is helping me get back to where I need to be, which is out of bed and being a mom!!

The lesson today was about Joseph Smith enduring persecution during his time on earth. What a great prophet he was and I don't think I could have been thru all he went thru and still believe - but that is just me. Rich brought into his talk a conference talk from Elder Kevin W Pearson of the seventy. I had been up crying and pleading with the Lord the night before that I could not take this anymore and needed to get out of this depression and anxiety and that I needed God and Jesus's help on this. Lo and behold, his talk was directed at me! We watched it on Tivo last night and the boys actually paid attention and listened, as did I. Here is what he said that can help us. Faith and fear cannot coexist. One gives way to the other. He also quoted Bruce R McConkie that faith is a gift from god and available to all.

He then tied in what he calls the 6 destructive D's that can erode and destroy our faith. In order they are doubt ( fear which leads to lack of confidence in one's self or abilities). It is inconsistent with our divine identity as children of god.

Doubt leads to discouragement. It comes from missed expectations. Chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirt. It is the antithesis of faith.

Discouragement leads to distraction, a lack of focus. Discouragement and distraction are 2 of Satan's most effective tools and I unfortunately have let them come into my life over the last few months.

Distraction leads to a lack of diligence, a reduced commitment to remain true and faithful and to carry on through despite hardship and disappointment. Disappointment is an inevitable part of life but we have the tools from Heavely Father to get thru this.

If not reversed this path ultimately leads to disobedience which then undermines the very basis of faith. The result of this is often disbelief. The scriptures define this disbelief as the state of having chosen to harden one's heart. It is to be past feeling. I hope to never get to this point no matter how hard or crushing my trials may be!! He ends his talk with saying we can choose to avoid and overcome them.

My goal is to stop the fears and doubt that have been plaguing my mind and soul. I don't think it will be an overnight thing but with God's help and the atonement I hope to someday get past this point in my life and moving on to being a better mom and daughter of our Heavenly Father. (My kids actually sat down and listened to the talk - now that is a miracle:)).

Missing Brandon

My oldest is at Scout camp this week. He is due to come home tomorrow. I am very much missing him right now! He is such a big help and I just miss his sense of humor, his funny little quirks and his smile. There are times they all fight and that can drive me insane, but I have forgotten all that for the moment and just miss him. What am I going to do when college comes and then a mission? Hopefully gotten used to the fact that they are all growing up and will be leaving the nest one day. For now, I just miss him and will be very excited to see him:)

4 year old girl

I love my little girl but what the heck has happened to her at 4 years old?! We went to see Up today and we all loved it. I would highly recommend seeing this tender movie. I cried thru several parts of it. Brandon is off as Scout camp this week so I just took the 3 boys and Camryn. They were all well behaved during the movie until it was over and they had to go potty. The family restroom was right next to our theatre but each kid had to go in by themselves!! Camryn went in second and she would not get out. I could hear her keep washing her hands and drying them. We banged on the door and she finally unlocked it but would not come out! Darin went in to get her and her monster side came out. She came flying out of the bathroom cussing (not the worst word but close) and was screaming it down the hallways of the theatre. She then took off after Darin and was biting him, punching him, kicking him etc. She became the monster child I never thought I would have. I got down to her level, tried talking to her but she was still mad. I then told her she was going to time out when she got home. You would have thought she would cry but instead told me she was going to run away from home?! I am sure she would have gotten soooo far:) My boys do fight amongst themselves but she is taking it to a whole new level. At least she is well behaved at primary and preschool. My mom claims that I have created her by giving into her too much (which I do, 5th child and I am tired from working nights). She and I are going to have to have some heart to heart talks about what is appropriate behavior and what is not. She did at least apologize to me and went and gave Darin a big hug when we got home. I know there is a blossoming polite girl in there somewhere!!