1 am

It is now 1 am and I cannot sleep so I decided to blog and eat ice cream, What a great treat - I get it all to myself with no one wanting to take a bite. The house is so quiet and peaceful and the perfect time to eat ice cream - loaded with cookie dough, peanut butter and chocolate syrup. How can life get better? I am sure I will work off the calories painting my kitchen and hoping to finish it. I got tired of the color and am painting it a buttery yellow. Not too bright but golden and pretty. I have always wanted a yellow kitchen and Rich gave in and compromised on a color. I have it half done and it looks so homey and cheerful.

My next project after this is to refinish the counter tops. We have formica and cannot afford to replace it with granite or other expensive types of counter tops. They are a pinky color and I am sick of them. I ran into a lady at a garage sale a few months back who does painting and interior decorating for a living. She gave me the directions on how to repaint the countertops and make them look awesome. Has a few steps and lots of sanding but I have 3 boys to help me out. It is a cool technique where you sand, then paint, then put a wood stain in a swirling pattern over top and then about 3 coats of sealant. Hers looked great and cost about $40 dollars as opposed to thousands of dollars to have new ones put in. I am so excited! She then also taught me an easy method to redo our existing cupboards. After 20 years they are looking a little worn. There is a product at home depot that you paint on first so that you don't have to sand them down. This product makes the paint or stain stay on without sanding-yippee!

My last transformation is going to be making Roman Shades for the kitchen. I got the material clearance about 3 months ago. I have been making curtains for friends and neighbors. Nice side business and I love to sew. I got a cd that shows how to make Roman shades and it is actually quite simple. I will have to take before and after pictures. I love having things look new and refinished and doing it for a minimal cost. Plus the kids love to paint and have done a great job in the kitchen. I have just had to go back and touch up paint. Wish me luck on my projects. My dad has even offered to come down from Utah and help with the countertops but we are hoping to talk him into helping Rich make loft beds for the 3 boys. They have a buzz lightyear very bright blue room with yellow window sills and a lime green plant shelf. I love it but Rich wants to repaint. I told him to go for it as I think I will be pooped after the kitchen remodeling:) The boys love their buzz lightyear room so we shall we shall we who wins the battle of repainting that room. It has very high ceilings and takes a lot to repaint it. We shall see who wins the battle of repainting it (I think me:))

I have also been following the advice from the conference talk I wrote about last time and it is amazing how small mental changes can really help bring you out of a funk:) I also finally got released from teaching primary after 6 years. I will miss the kids and singing time but will enjoy going to Sunday School and Relief Society after all these years of not going. I do believe our Heavenly Father knew I needed this break to be able to attend these classes!

Answers to Prayers

Conference is one of my favorite times of the year. Unfortunatley I had to work conference weekend and was only able to catch bits and pieces of it. Where else can we be uplifted by conference talks and still be in our jammies:) As many of you know (or maybe not) I have been suffering from depression and anxiety. This really stinks as I am 40, have 5 kids and need to be showing them about my faith, not how mommy can stay in bed most of the day. It is just kicking my butt - and yes I am in counseling and taking my happy pills. I think it is time for new happy pills as these are not working. I know that I have to do my part to help get out of this, but lots of stinky stuff going on at work that has helped to trigger it this past month. Wish I could get a new job but working nights lets me be at home with the kids and no daycare, which is very important to us.

Rich gave his lesson in priesthood today from parts of a conference talk. I had been up the night before crying and praying that I could not take this depression anymore. I have been in bed and just letting everything go lax at the house. Thank goodness for a husband that has picked up the slack and is helping me get back to where I need to be, which is out of bed and being a mom!!

The lesson today was about Joseph Smith enduring persecution during his time on earth. What a great prophet he was and I don't think I could have been thru all he went thru and still believe - but that is just me. Rich brought into his talk a conference talk from Elder Kevin W Pearson of the seventy. I had been up crying and pleading with the Lord the night before that I could not take this anymore and needed to get out of this depression and anxiety and that I needed God and Jesus's help on this. Lo and behold, his talk was directed at me! We watched it on Tivo last night and the boys actually paid attention and listened, as did I. Here is what he said that can help us. Faith and fear cannot coexist. One gives way to the other. He also quoted Bruce R McConkie that faith is a gift from god and available to all.

He then tied in what he calls the 6 destructive D's that can erode and destroy our faith. In order they are doubt ( fear which leads to lack of confidence in one's self or abilities). It is inconsistent with our divine identity as children of god.

Doubt leads to discouragement. It comes from missed expectations. Chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirt. It is the antithesis of faith.

Discouragement leads to distraction, a lack of focus. Discouragement and distraction are 2 of Satan's most effective tools and I unfortunately have let them come into my life over the last few months.

Distraction leads to a lack of diligence, a reduced commitment to remain true and faithful and to carry on through despite hardship and disappointment. Disappointment is an inevitable part of life but we have the tools from Heavely Father to get thru this.

If not reversed this path ultimately leads to disobedience which then undermines the very basis of faith. The result of this is often disbelief. The scriptures define this disbelief as the state of having chosen to harden one's heart. It is to be past feeling. I hope to never get to this point no matter how hard or crushing my trials may be!! He ends his talk with saying we can choose to avoid and overcome them.

My goal is to stop the fears and doubt that have been plaguing my mind and soul. I don't think it will be an overnight thing but with God's help and the atonement I hope to someday get past this point in my life and moving on to being a better mom and daughter of our Heavenly Father. (My kids actually sat down and listened to the talk - now that is a miracle:)).

Missing Brandon

My oldest is at Scout camp this week. He is due to come home tomorrow. I am very much missing him right now! He is such a big help and I just miss his sense of humor, his funny little quirks and his smile. There are times they all fight and that can drive me insane, but I have forgotten all that for the moment and just miss him. What am I going to do when college comes and then a mission? Hopefully gotten used to the fact that they are all growing up and will be leaving the nest one day. For now, I just miss him and will be very excited to see him:)

4 year old girl

I love my little girl but what the heck has happened to her at 4 years old?! We went to see Up today and we all loved it. I would highly recommend seeing this tender movie. I cried thru several parts of it. Brandon is off as Scout camp this week so I just took the 3 boys and Camryn. They were all well behaved during the movie until it was over and they had to go potty. The family restroom was right next to our theatre but each kid had to go in by themselves!! Camryn went in second and she would not get out. I could hear her keep washing her hands and drying them. We banged on the door and she finally unlocked it but would not come out! Darin went in to get her and her monster side came out. She came flying out of the bathroom cussing (not the worst word but close) and was screaming it down the hallways of the theatre. She then took off after Darin and was biting him, punching him, kicking him etc. She became the monster child I never thought I would have. I got down to her level, tried talking to her but she was still mad. I then told her she was going to time out when she got home. You would have thought she would cry but instead told me she was going to run away from home?! I am sure she would have gotten soooo far:) My boys do fight amongst themselves but she is taking it to a whole new level. At least she is well behaved at primary and preschool. My mom claims that I have created her by giving into her too much (which I do, 5th child and I am tired from working nights). She and I are going to have to have some heart to heart talks about what is appropriate behavior and what is not. She did at least apologize to me and went and gave Darin a big hug when we got home. I know there is a blossoming polite girl in there somewhere!!

Dancing Maltese

We are watching our dog's brother while his family has been on vacation. Our Maltese is the butterball and Jake is the skinny one. These dogs can supposedly be trained to do tricks, dance, etc. Snowball has learned to chew up underwear and try to sneak on the table after we eat:) He is a cutie but can cause lots of mischief (he dragged my dad's whole shaving kit under my bed when they were visiting along with other such fun things my dad needed.) Jake has learned how to get attention by dancing on his hind legs - funny to watch. He will dance for Rich or I and then Snowball becomes very jealous and knocks him over! Snowball is letting him know that he is the alpha dog and Jake cannot be the leader over here. Jake will get his revenge when Jake's owner watches Snowball when we go on vacation in August. I just hope and pray he does not climb onto their table - not good manners for a guest:)

Bass Pro Shop Outing

First time we went to Bass Pro Shop was on Saturday. It was a fun day to go as there was lots of free things to do and free pictures:) They got to learn about archery and shoot arrows at a fake deer. We saw tons of cool fish, stuffed bears, antelope, deer and who knows what else. What a fun store! I could go back and spend a few hours just looking at all the displays. The kids had fun (minus one or two fights) but I could not wrestle Brandon into getting his picture taken. What is up with teenagers?! I literally tried to pull him over to get his picture taken but no such luck, not even bribery. His loss!! At least I got 4 pictures taken and they turned out cool:)

Mopping

These are my 2 youngest kids. We needed to mop yesterday as the floor was looking kinda yucky. I have one of those cool mopping machines but it decided not to work yesterday. We have lots of tile as carpet would get ruined in the high traffic areas with the kids constantly going in and out from swimming and from them running throughout the house. It takes quite awhile to mop with just regular mops.

Thank goodness I had 2 willing helpers (the others were gone to a Diamondback game with the Scouts.) We had fun mopping even though I had to keep going back over parts of it as these 2 thought they were on an ice skating rink!! But they sure are cute:) Oh, and my 2 middle boys cleaned their room again on their own today-yes :D

Mr. Trowbridge's Retirement Concert

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=221164710304&ref=mf

I was not in attendance at this concert nor did I take orchestra. My baby brother, Gerald, did take orchestra from Mr. Trowbridge and in fact is going to take his place at our old high school, Gar-Field Senior High, as the new orchestra teacher. I still cannot believe that my brother, whom I listened to squeak his way thru the cello has become so accomplished and grown up. He currently teaches at my rival high school, Woodbridge Senior High, and also plays in different orchestras around the Washington, DC area and gives private lessons. He even got to play at one of the events for President Obama's inarguation ( i cannot spell that!). My favorite event he played at was at the Kennedy Center honors they do every year. I think he was still in high school at the time. They were honoring YoYo Ma and he got to play, along with his private teacher, at the Kennedy Center and was on TV!!!! So cool that he could do that and I had fun watching it on TV at home. They actually showed him a couple of times so it was fun to point at the TV and say "there is Gerald!!!). Thank you, Mary, for posting this on facebook so that I could steal it from ya:)

Diet

So my good friend, Jill, says I have not blogged enough. I told her that things have been kind of down lately and she informed me that I should blog my feelings anyway:)

A year ago I was diagnosed with many kidney stones. Since then I have had 3 surgeries, medications, problems, etc. I have also gained 30 lbs in the last year. If I weighed 100 lbs then I probably would not care but I don't weigh that. I went to the doctor about a month ago because I put on 10 lbs in 2 days. I am a nurse and know that is not good!! My feet were swollen and my belly. So my doctor proceeds to tell me that I am just fat (but said nicely) and I am also 40 so my metabolism has slowed down, and blah, blah, blah. She then proceeded to prescribe me phenteramine, which is one of the ingredients in the diet pill that came off the market (phen-phen). This supposedly is the ingredient that you can take without having problems. It speeds up your metabolism and decreases your hunger.

So I started to take this medication. A full pill gave me chest pain and a racing heart so I was told to take a half pill. It did give me energy but kept me up at night. I then started really having the edema, my shoes did not fit and my clothes did not fit. I had lost 10 lbs but it all came back with this water weight. What the heck was up?! I decided that the only thing that had changed was this pill. I stopped taking it and also made an appointment with the doctor.

Here is what I found out about Phenteramine. Your body metabolizes it like speed so it will show up in a drug test. It can cause kidney function problems and other dysfunctions in your body. When I stopped taking it, it was like I was in drug withdrawal. I was freezing cold, then hot and sweating profusely the whole time!! Needless to say my edema was gone after 3 days of this. I also had no energy and just wanted to sleep the whole time. My doctor told me 1% of patients taking this medication have this effect when stopping it but I believe it has to be higher, or else I just had the rotten luck of being in that 1%. I do not ever want to put something in my body that shows up as speed!!

Lesson learned is that there is no magic pill, potion, etc. It is all about watching your portions, what you eat and excercise. I have developed a love/hate relationship with my Wii fit and Wii personal trainer. Love how I feel after working out but hate getting started. It may take awhile to get this weight off but at least I will be healthy and not have a heart attack or kidney failure while doing it:) Next post will have some more uplifting story or tale of my family ( that is my goal).